Re-balancing the New Gender Asymmetry in Families Attributes in China  

More needs to be done to avert crisis in Chinese families where traditional gender based roles fast becoming a thing in the past as the society had been progressing at an unprecedented rate in the past decades drastically improve living standards for hundreds of millions of Chinese never thought possible before. Chinese family traditions was transformed with accompanying changing behaviors; family planning and household managements are now primary economically influenced, these pragmatic approaches had in turns created other unintended consequences affecting the whole spectrum of Chinese  lives ranging from individuals, families, communities all the way to the nation.

There are downsides to everything; there are unintended consequences to everything.—Steve Jobs

Whereas contemporary Chinese women had achieved remarkable social and economic status having the same if not superior bargaining power within the family. They had come a long way from the era of inferiority and discriminatory; from wide spread practice of female foeticide under the strictly enforced 1 child only policy since 80s which had drastically skewed the male to female ratio demographic profile to foot binding practices which had lasted more than 1000 years among the affluent families portraying one social status as women had no personal right and individual identity but rather merely a man’s asset. Mothers of those generation started the cruel and inhuman bone deforming binding process when their daughters reaches 4 to 5 years old despite unspeakable heartache in the name for securing a bright and promising future for them as they didn’t know any other better ways.

The law of sacrifice is uniform throughout the world. To be effective it demands the sacrifice of the bravest and the most spotless. –Mahatma Gandhi

As a result, a rise in new individual gender inequality was observed which also had a wider complication on the society; 1. Shifting in bargaining power resulted in unfulfilled potentials for millions of eligible singles. 2. Domestic outsourcing rearrangement pitfalls. 3. Shrinking intrinsic birthrate with fast aging demographic challenges

ABCD Man and Women Matching Theory Increasing disadvantages for competent Chinese women who scores well in age, looks and income (Category A Female; AF) as they had lower bargaining power within the household as they need to compete with influx of women from poorer region for man who preferred attributes in age and look over income due to man’s intrinsic nature of inferior complexities and dominating preferences whereas female value male’s social status and income level more. “AM” favored “BF,CF and DF” over “AF” and like wise for “BM” and so on, therefore its not surprising that Category D Male; “DM” are stranded with limited choices and the situation is made worse with the demographic imbalance of a lot more male than female due to Chinese’s insistence biased preferences on having boy to pass on their family name among other factors. Left over “DM” Along with “AF” represented millions of missed opportunities of rewarding and meaningful marriages which goes a long way for enhance society vitality and individual fulfillment.

There is no heavier burden than an unfulfilled potential. –Charles M. Schulz


Rise in demand of domestic outsourcing; Spurred by its lack of resources in managing the household as dual income families are the mainstream lifestyle nowadays to cater for the rising living standards and aspiration of new generation of parents who are mostly better educated and hold executive white collar jobs, the opportunity cost associated with running a family with children, taking care of the elderly, preparing the daily meals and maintain decent hygienic standards within the house and much more are simply too high as one can generate more incomes with the same hours in the workforce.

China itself is abundant with their own local man power and full time or part timer household management middle age helpers or rather nanny who earns reasonably well in 8000 to 10000 RMB monthly wages are becoming increasing popular among middle to upper income households with demanding domestic chores . However, one pitfall is over reliance and gives away essential core family values which still had to be inculcated personally; practice of filial piety, development of good and balance nutritious diet and proper upbringing of children in disciplining and coaching. For example; many fails to cultivate healthy eating habits fallen prey to readily accessible cheap and tasty but less than healthy outside foods and lacks the fundamental culinary know-how and motivation for wholesome meals preparation for each others within the family.

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”― Robert Fulghum

Population Sustainability Challenges Similar to Japan with ageing population coupled with dwindling fertility rate, China didn’t produce enough people to sustain its future domestic consumption for decent economical growth but unlike Japan who had grown rich before growing old, China with the 1.2 billion strength is fast getting old without her solid first bucket of gold. With abundant excessive resources as being the world factories, she is reaching out to the rest of the world for growth opportunities; exportation of financial resources, machinery, know-how and even her own labor force to seek larger dominance outside of China.

Unlike the Tier 1 Super power countries like America which attract immigrants from all around the world to sustain her continuous inner growth, China as a hard-line socialist country had steadily embraced the tenets of capitalism for state own enterprise reformation and individual wealth accumulation had pledged economic progression to Chinese national in return of supporting her in the current governing style and its of paramount critical to keep the economic growth at respectable pace or risk political disenchantment as hundred of millions of affluent middle class would had had higher inspiration and wanted to have more democratic elements and having the demographic surplus bonus advantages diminishing in returns in recent years, 4-2-2 family structure is promoted massively in the propaganda as the current 4-2-1 or even 4-0-0 is simply a disaster in the making for sustainability in politics, social and economics.



In summary, a paradox has emerged in China, as the world new super power finally unfolding her potentials. Basic factors like the dynamic gender asymmetry had to be re-balanced carefully to remain relevant and competitive, as the desire to have a better tomorrow looms large for individuals, families and community and family is the building block of the nation which in turn lays the foundation of social longevity, it’s human instinct and natural progression to form relationship and reproduce offspring that sustain families and societies and any alarming discontinuities trends in social attitudes to love and marriage had to be addressed as they can impose a terrible hefty prices on China. Timely adjustments on individual inspiration might be needed as there will never be the complete fulfillment of personal expectations and impersonal hopes like an ever expanding economy and global stability, friendly and conducive infrastructures to encourage child rearing with highly affordable child care centers; along with attractive financial incentives of sufficient maternity leave and irresistible income tax relief and so on are some of the initiative China had adopted but most importantly is the accessibility of reasonable and affordable property ownership for new families to begin their journey

Never let your fear decide your future— unknown


3 Reasons Behind Accelerated Erosion of a Sense of Community and Weaken Moral Bearings in China


Online moral judging in the  post-truth era in China is becoming more prevalent with the social media explosive growth where truth were measured by popularity instead of the conventional judicial system where facts are examined and argued to certain extent. Once again reconfirming overall trends reflecting the cannibalizing of traditional regulated media by its online cousins and this had indeed accelerated erosion of a sense of state and community and weaken moral bearings in China as the social media had intentionally and rather successfully manipulated human psychology purely for commercial gains taking advantage of human primitive weakness, echo chambers online inevitably amplify the negative impacts of false narratives, misinformation, disinformation propaganda and satire in an unprecedented manners

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you [Matthew 7:1-2]” 

In addition, it’s not uncommon to have massive number of Chinese virtual keyboard warriors not unlike huge school of fishes swim in shoals for safety, birds flock in shape-shifting pattern together to deter predators for safety in number where Army of net-citizens leveraging in diffusion of responsibility, similar to the unpredictable rally movements often resulted in unplanned course of directions including rioting, destroying public property or even horrendous stampede often led to unintended injuries or even death among the participants when effective crowd control measures fail to materialize.

Everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices you have made in the past. —Charles McCabe,

Likewise, the ever dominating online community had facilitated this phenomena in an escalating level sparking heated debates and fear stoking, starling, horrifying and sensational stories generated often negative comments blending in facts, opinions and often malicious ill intent and stories sometimes gained immortal life of its own in the virtual world  creating distrust and paranoid especially in China where traditional medias are losing the authoritarian credibility they once dominated and this this has spawned destabilizing forces within the State and community where majority Chinese now only pledge true royalty within the families going all out exclusively only for each other’s to the extent of accomplice from time to time.  On the other hand, some even take matters into their own hands with premeditated cyber harassment and persecution of any alleged individuals caught with irresponsible statements, behaviors or claims aggressively without given the benefits of doubts causing real life consequences as facts seldom stand in the way of a catchy and emotional headlines

I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.— \Steve Maraboli

There are probably couple of reasons unique to Chinese behind the degrading sense of community and lowering of the moral bearings predominately in the virtual space and increasingly spill over to the social fabric in real life causing real harms.

Deeply Ingrained nature of presumed guilty:  With hundreds of millions rural Chinese flocking to the mega Cities seeking opportunities and resulted in widening income gap between the local residents and newcomers where latter were not adequately covered by provincial welfare due to the restriction of the decades long system of resident registration where jobs, medical, housing and schooling resources were being deprived of in the hosting places of residence.  Many of the domestic migrant workers were in-equally treated and many were struggling and few resorted to extreme measures of scamming taking advantage of the generosity and sympathy of others and  when earning capacity rather than traits like kindness and fairness is being strive after, Chinese had been conditioned to be defensive and protective for self-preservation avoiding being victimized in the community. Isolated social incidents often being blown out of proportion thanks to social media channels, everyone who needs helps were regarded as of ill intentions and presumed guilty of wanting to take advantages of each other despite the facts of its scarcity, on the contrary, huge majority of Chinese are of kind and helpful nature behind their seeming aloof expressions in public as part of the protective mechanism.

A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love. –Saint Basil

Lacking of overall framework of  liability: Enviable social graciousness of extending a much needed helping hand in an accident, being considerate, honest and fair to each other needs generation of good values based upbringing and overall framework of sensible liability in placed. Like Good Samaritan law extending limited liability for anyone who responds to a critical situations or comprehensive insurances coverage in fire, personal and automobile accidents of which individuals have avenue to seek redress are some of the state wide schemes to minimize conflict and confrontation on personal levels. One good example is the proliferation of platform of Airbnb and Uber like which had inspired shared economies in China cities where bicycles, umbrella and rides were shared among strangers facilitated by a robust framework of credibility screening, genuine peers reviews and limited liability coverage. Surveys consistently show that one would bring up their best in conducts (less than 1% abuse reported in bike sharing platform) if online social profile and actual identity is linked and being held accountable responsibly.

Accountability breeds response-ability. Stephen Covey

Raising level of general dissatisfaction:  China had been unyieldingly sought to move up on the economic hierarchy and upgrade itself and had done a remarkable job in improving the living standards of hundreds of millions of Chinese in the past few decades, however with raising unemployment among young people and escalating and runaway properties prices in Cities due to the nature of transformation of economic structure where adjustment and expectation management fails to take place, many had experiencing increasing level of general dissatisfaction conveniently dismissing the facts that lives had indeed improved (income had been doubling every 10 years), abundant of educational resources were allocated(record high percentage of population had university education; 7 million graduate in 2017), strong supply of better jobs and benefits for workers and plenty of business opportunities for startup and entrepreneurs and overall increase of household incomes never imagined possible before. To a greater extent, the swelling level of  false sense of widespread discontentment and frustration were as a result of the  nature of social media where weakness of Chinese or in general mankind was facilitated and amplified; emotional pride, greed, lust, envy and so on.  Online moderation similar to  physical crowd control not only by state but by the majority good nature online community maybe one of the option going forward (like wikipedia and so on)

If there is no point in the universe that we discover by the methods of science, there is point that we can give the universe by the way we live, by loving each other, by discovering things about nature, by creating works of art. –Steve Weinberg,

In summary.  Against this simmering social cauldron, a overall overhaul of online accountability should be considered safeguarding ourselves from our own weakness. Addressing underlying problems are to accept the fundamental true nature of mankind, one should avoid putting human nature to trial and temptation as most will certainly fall; amid raising anxiety over escalating cost of living and shrinking perceived level of satisfactory social justice. In fact, there is no place where China modernization since 70s has had a greater impact than in respectable Chinese general well-being and Chinese prosperity and at the core of the debate lies the towering principle of social engineering, the linchpin of personal aspiration of higher calling and meaningful lifestyle and contentment with “the China’s unique blend of planed economics, authoritarian politics, and social engineering”  One ought be be proud of being a Chinese moving into the right direction in the modern era, with strong and capable government, admirable disposable income, longer lifespan and better quality of lifestyle, a decent place to raise respectable children with individual and family inspiration being fulfilled.

“Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.”— Phillips Brooks


Redefining New Self Reflection to Maximize Quality of Lives in China

Redefining New Self Reflection to Maximize Quality of Lives in China

Self Reflection is the capacity of humans to exercise introspection and the willingness to learn more about their fundamental nature, purpose and essence. Instead of the legacy of existing self reflection many Chinese are practicing unknowingly; primary worshiping for good fortunes and competing on achievements (salary, housing, children, education..) for sense of superior complexity as the primary purposes of life pursuits, as if meaningful living can be accomplished merely through materialistic attainments (unfortunately life is a lot more complicated that that). A new self reflection routine which put things in perspective for happiness maximizing will be helpful to ease the ever increasing uneasiness and general dissatisfaction in modern China.

“You can have it all, just not all at the same time.”― Betty Friedan

Not too long ago, Chinese had gone through hardship from civil war, invasion, famine and other natural calamity for the past few centuries explaining now over 200 millions ethnic Chinese now residing outside of China, many  from earlier days of gold miners to San Francisco to hard laborers in South East Asia where majority treated their host country as temporary transit with ultimate goal to go back to their mother lands once they had made it financially, however like many uncertainties in life, majority eventually settled down for good.  As a results, inevitably the natural concerns when Chinese greeting each other were” have you taken your meals?” rather than asking other non essential but rather well-being aspects; “How its going?” They hold genuine concerns for each other fundamental needs as survival is the only things in their mind  and had been conditioned so for quite some time.

It’s amazing where the paranoid mind can take you.– Bill Ayers

Indeed. things had finally changed for the better in China in the past few decades, therefore one need to act to stem glut of insecurities and worries many Chinese had having come of age at a time of global isolation and domestic hardship endured earlier, there’s a level of influences few could had ever imagined with Chinese companies venturing out not as factories but as brand and multinational corporation, Chinese companies leapfrogged on technologies embracing digital currencies leveraging on the massive couple of hundred million users data base in an age when raw data from the internet of people and internet of things is the new oil, China is in the best shape ever to join the rank of the influential global club, therefore a new self reflection is needed taking into consideration of  all these new developments.

Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.– Nicholas M. Butler

However, as China burgeoning economy in recent decades has also spurred extravagant lifestyles from housing, automobile, children education to funerals that flaunt individual and family wealth and together with the powerful social media networking viral sharing and often malicious fear stoking manipulation, the perception of inequality, structural injustice and general dissatisfaction were at all time high, most overlooks almost everyone obsolete living standards had indeed improved and poverty is becoming rarity and life is improving on an unprecedented scale.

The rivalry is with ourself. I try to be better than is possible. I fight against myself, not against the other.— Luciano Pavarotti

When decency and higher purpose was a virtue to be striven for rather than being despised off as level of wealth become the sole indication of success measurement yardstick as the end justify the means, as a result. breaking free from the limbo of pursuit of happiness and myth of financial freedom, a well defined Self Reflection is critical for our everyday living to avert a negative impacts on one well being.

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”― Jim Carrey

A Self Reflection of putting things back into proper perspective and drawing of inherent or religious faith to move on, knowing one is mortal and limited in a way doing the best to leave a legacy for our next generation and others. Having a meaningful impacts to others as we should not let ever looming online anger and frustration prevail over facts and rationality. Strong positive faith still holds its allure as a statement of mind to progress well in our productive years. Lives indeed are improving and China is getting stronger and powerful and one should be proud and hold their heads high and higher expectations are needed.

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

On the other hand, slowing growth and structural changes forcing many Chinese to redefine their primary objectives in life. Many are grappling with over leveraged mortgage and shrinking buying power as China entered the phase of moderate growth after three decades of remarkable progress where income virtually double up every 10 years along with the sky rocketed properties values of which many younger generations were being increasingly priced out especially in Tier 1 and 2 cities, authority property cooling measures are needed to moderate property speculation a primary source of discontent not to taken lightly.

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.—Proverbs 15:4

In Summary, living standard had improved, life gotten a lot better as compared to previous generation, Chinese is gaining momentum for prolong and sustainable prosperity joining the rest of the affluent nations and one must guards against fallen prey to manipulation by jealousy, injustice and envies of others

You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars. —Gary Allan

3 Ways to Avoid Being Blackmailed Emotionally in China in Post Truth Era


China burgeoning economy in recent decades has spurred extravagant lifestyle that flaunt individual and family wealth worsening social tensions especially when being blown out of proportion by minority of judgmental and critical net citizens through the ever influential and wide reaching social … Continue reading

The Myths of Reciprocal Chinese Ancestral Worshiping 

Traditional Chinese is obsessed with ancestral worshiping as most believed those 7 feet under had an overwhelming influences over the living either for good health and prosperity or calamities and sufferings. Its explains why legacy dynastic emperors spared no efforts in construction of their afterlife palaces with extravagant resources in man power, precious collectible and preparation  of prime “Feng Shui” burial sites.  Some went to the extents of having their live soldiers and servants to be buried together for his disposal in the other side and having hundreds if not thousand  of craftsman blindfolded on the way to the construction sites and even having them silenced after completion in order to keep the exact location confidential. Ironically, modern tomb raiders were taking advantage of the same “Feng Shui” principles and legacy literature to identify and had been raiding the tombs of the emperors or wealthy families for valuable belongings buried together with the individual hundreds of thousand of years before.  In other words, Chinese believed those who passed aways have just simply gone to the other dimensions and will continue to maintain the same earthly lifestyle and will take good if not better care of their descendants as good as how the livings have been taking care of them in offerings of regular sustenance of fundamental and at times lavish comforts . 

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart—Confucius

In fact, most Chinese believed in continuing of the past, present and to the future and its of paramount important to offer their deceased ancestors living sustenance with foods, drinks, clothing and even hell notes for their disposal in the other world, burial sites with geographical advantages of front sea view and top of the mountain serve as consolidating point of natural fortunes which will overflow to the livings for wealth and abundant life, it involved a complicated formula with different style of Feng Shui master approaches and its not uncommon to have descendants who fair poorly in life confronting one another siblings for relocation of the tomb for better fortunes.  Some of the principles of Feng Shui carry scientific arguments; avoid  low laying ground for risk of flooding, facing east for better morning Sun and so whereas the rest are mainly a product of thousand of years of Confucius belief and cultural practice fulfilling the psychological needs and desires of the livings.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” ― Henry Ford

Its the thousand of years of filial piety of cultural values in accumulation of beliefs in reincarnation of mainly Taoist practice combining with psychological reinforcement explaining this myth of reciprocal social behaviours in ancestral offering and expectation of favours in return; some even disallows married daughters to take part in the ceremony fearing of “diluting” the good fortunes for the Sons offspring of the families. Being the first to “sweep” the tombs during the tomb sweeping day would also bring greater blessings. Disappointment and setbacks in life continue to encourage descendants to look for answers from their deceased elderly for better fortunes and reassurance. 

Respect yourself and others will respect you.—Confucius

Influence of Filial piety:  The extend of filial piety one demonstrated reflect one’s social standings in the community; nothing short of 100% submission to their elders is expected, unique in Chinese traditions which was a by products of thousand of years of Emperors preferably hierarchical social orders to have their people to serve them as how they serve their parents.  As a results, no efforts were spared for an extravagant and elaborate funerals, cemetery and family altars as part of the practice of filial piety as its an act of socially encouraged and very much endorsed on; 3 years of mourning and reflections and all other major ceremonial events like wedding and holidays are strictly prohibited fearing of repercussion of “bad” things happening. Rites are dutifully performed  at annual Ghost Festival and Tomb Sweeping Festival for greasing of the palm of the after world to transmute and absolve the sufferings of the deceased and ancestors worshiping. Being filial hold highest regards in Chinese community, being well respected and praised on.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.–Confucius

Psychological reinforcements: Its part of sell fulfilling prophecy; Chinese who converted to mainstream religions like Christianity and Islam who didn’t practice the same reciprocal ancestral worshiping are doing probably as well as it could possibly get, its up to which belief systems one would like to engage and it’s applicable to them. In addition, its part of legacy of traditions emphasising on the important of family loyalty, dedication, obligation, part of something larger than themselves, including drawing energy from their deceased family members who they believed to have a continued existences, take an interest in the affairs of the world, and possess the ability to influence the fortune of the living especially of their own offspring. The accompanying strong faith and confidence will therefore help one to achieve greater prosperity; as a matter of fact, they owe it to themselves more than their beloved ancestors for their significant accomplishment not unlike the modern ritual one perform for the calming and self-assuring effects one had before facing a challenging tasks. The ritual could well  be a prayer, singing a song or writing to set one frame of mind into something one is familiar and comfortable and feeling good about oneself; 

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Summary:  Filial piety as an indispensable virtue is well regarded in their peers of respects, obedience and high moral grounds of one’s parents, elders and ancestors, ensuring the ancestors’ continued well-being and positive disposition towards the living, it serve to cultivate kinship values like filial piety, family loyalty, and continuity of the family lineage, together with the lack of mainstream faith to address the questions of afterlife, Chinese developed a system of myth of reciprocal worshiping of their ancestral spirits for the blessing of prosperity of the living, after all, that’s what’s family are for, taking care of each other needs now and even well in the other world. Its all about which belief system one chooses reaffirming a principle that has served Chinese well for centuries. Reciprocal Chinese ancestral worshipping therefore fulfil an important cultural and practical roles in strengthening the core values of a family taking up the glorifying duties of filial piety looking after each others and pledging of one loyalty to one another, believing in a system that meaningfully help one another to achieve greater things in life.

“Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten”― Lilo and stitch



It is rather striking to observe how someone always gotten lucky consistently? One can simply feel the positive energy overflowing within that individual with exceptionally strong optimistic emotions touching and transforming others meaningfully whereas many other peers keep being victimised into the ever present and powerful temptation of … Continue reading