Chinese Slave Redeemption in 11th BC

 Chinese Slave Redemption in 11th BC

We should ask ourselves whether relentlessly doing things well solely for our own peace of mind and benefits are ultimately a greater threat to overall well being of others than weighting the pro and cons upfront before any actions taking into macroscopic consideration and sometimes doing nothing might be a wiser choice. We are obsessed in the feeling good factors and didn’t prioritize on focusing in doing the right thing every time the first time of which perhaps is the most effective and efficient way.

We had a tendency of repeating the same mistake over and over again and hopelessly incapable of getting things straighten out correctly despite having abundant of precedence and advice within reach. We fail to think out of the box and prefer staying in our own comfort zone being a habitual being, getting by and accept compromises fooling ourselves this is the way it is and no other ways around.

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.”

— Oscar Wilde,writer

One of the ancient China county dated 11th century BC had a magnificent and generous scheme for anyone to redeem slaves of the same statehood they come across in other states with own expenses upfront to get reimbursed later from the state treasury department so long one produces legitimate invoices. The redemption scheme had seen significant recovery results, reuniting families and solidifies the nationhood with strong bonds.

The contemporary scholar Confucius had many disciples, Zigong being one of his most favorite protege of whom is also a well established affluent businessman took the opportunities to demonstrate his superior nobility invalidating the relevant receipts in public upon “freeing” a slave he stumbled across during one of his field trip, making a head turning wide publicized statement of his willingness to absorb the expenses rather than burdening the local government. Upon returning home, Confucius made known of his displeasure of Zigong’s conduct and declined to meet up with him. Mystified, the depressed Zigong broke through the barrier and faced up his beloved master;

Confucius: “I am very disappointed in what your have done, despite you gaining popularity of nobility for yourself, you had greatly compromised the redemption scheme’s original intention and brought great harms to the community”. How ancient wise man , despite being lack of access to internet and information, outpaces modern man on the proper way one should carry himself having deep insights on all ranges of matters, drawing sensible judgement and capable of refraining from carrying out feel good actions knowing its potential repercussion if any.

Indeed, the complication of Zigong’s conduct had gone way beyond after the news went viral, its gives hesitations to many others who wanted to do good deeds by “freeing” slaves” going though the hassles willingly as they were caught in the dilemma; to claim from Government and risk being labeled as calculative or to absorb the sizable financial expenses, as a result, the scheme eventually lost the intended intentions and many more slaves lost the potential chances to be “released” and go home to their families. Zigong acted with good intention  and overlooked on the unintended consequences of repercussion and crippled the whole system unknowingly. in fact, Zigong has become an unlikely culprit undermining State efforts to increase the pace of freeing her citizen from involuntary slavery as its society is in the face of weakening cohesion.

Even common folks who mind their own business tend to be far less accepting of its physical and social consequences if things got out of control due to an individual seemingly harmless conduct. Unfortunately it’s the ordinary people , far removed from the subjects who are bearing the brunt of unintended side effects, while those who are responsible for the origination of the troubles remain insulated from the backlash.

In addition, fleeting experiences of empathy redefine the self in terms of the collective and orient our actions toward the needs of others. Researchers believe that awe deprivation has had a hand in a broad societal shift that has been widely observed over the past 50 years: People have become more individualistic, more self-focused, more materialistic and less connected to others. Blocking out distractions can create an environment conducive to insights. So can having a positive mood. While many of the suggestions contain caveats, ultimately it seems that there are ways to be more open to these moments.

In summary, during its breakneck urbanization and modernization, China a traditionally Confucian country, with a history of reverence for hierarchy; emperors, officials and civilians all had their respective roles and lines are seldom crossed.- Has struggled to address how to accommodate they new swelling level of wealth while preserving good old Confucian values.


Spending Level up but Happiness Barely Keeping Pace with it in China

Spending Level up but Happiness Barely Keeping Pace with it in China


With average Chinese consumers facing unprecedented lifestyles choices increasingly attractive and within reach ranging from extravagant holidays to luxurious possessions like time pieces and designer bags, the more they need a dose of the 21st century rationale mindset to stay prudent and practical. As a matter of fact, the combination of rising disposable income of the middle class and burgeoning of consumerism has yielded dramatic changes in Chinese consuming behavior in the pursuit of the good life heavily influenced by western public media and contemporary popular values. The way they spend money on often offer a glimpse into Chinese inner modus operandi and a better understanding of the primary motives behind the expenditures enhance the satisfaction levels giving more bang for their highly sought after RMB bucks.

Ever notice how the initial holiday enthusiasm plunges right after collecting a handful of “likes” and “shared” of the vacation pictures posted online either after the trip or like what many other increasingly did now instantly? Or having troubles paying attention to the fine culinary cuisines served at a candle light dinner in an expensive restaurant right after taking food pictures and selfies and having them collected respectable number of “likes” in a spectrum of social media networking platforms in your virtual supporting network instantaneously?

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to leave alone.”Henry David Thoreau

Worry not, you are like many of the contemporary Chinese smartphone users had unknowingly being conditioned as Pavlovian dogs (  craving for the common human desires to be accepted, acknowledged or to the extent of being envied; the actual exciting occurrences of nursing coconut juice at a pool side under a shade at a white sandy beach with blue sky in a hot summer day had to take the back seat, it’s the corresponding “likes” and “share” we are addicted to not unlike the dogs salivating with anticipation in response to the bell, achieved by repeated pairings of the neutral stimulus and the potent biological stimulus that elicits the desired response.

The secrets to be back on our two feet again are to examine the primary motives behind the expenditures; parting away with hard earned legal tenders just to impress others didn’t do justice to the money as euphoria produced if any is anything but short lived. Opening wallets to what and why doing so in the first place are equally important. The satisfaction is half gone if we merely wanted to show off as compared to having our essential desires being addressed.

“Once you really accept that spending money doesn’t equal happiness, you have half the battle won.”Ernest Callenbach, 

For an experiential acquirement and genuinely fulfilling lifestyle had more powerful lasting influences on our state of happiness as these will help one grows, satisfying the physiological cravings with sense of achievement and in control, higher level of  emotional and an intense state of transcendent happiness combined with an overwhelming sense of contentment. Expenditures toward achieving these had a more profound dollar values  So long the motive behind our spending matches with our personal psychological needs and the initiative origins from the strong inner drives, interests, passions and values we would exhibits stronger happiness, sense of satisfaction and solid association with others, our whole body and souls can be truly recharged and in harmony.

For example, for enthusiastic collectors, one didn’t mind paying seemingly exorbitant price to own a piece of rare item like antiques or paintings as they truly capable of appreciating their values and derive pure sense of joys without the need to entice admiration from others. Likewise, any expenditures to feel good on the expenses of others just isn’t worth it as they didn’t appeal to core needs, for example. Someone who has not acquired a taste of premium red wines consumed a bottle of fine wine just to impress his guests and so on.

In conclusion, China which had gone through a generation buffeted by famine in the 1950s and the chaos of the Cultural Revolution in the 1960s and ’70s now faces challenges that include the new rich’s relentless flaunting of wealth and a near 100% rate national past time of simmering resentment of the rich during its breakneck urbanization and modernization since 80s, a traditionally Confucian country, with a history of reverence for hard working and thrifty lifestyle has to learn  to address how to spend wisely for their swelling wealth for their own benefits.

Money is an opportunity for happiness, but it is an opportunity that people routinely squander because the things they think will make them happy often don’t.”-Elizabeth Dunn, Daniel Gilbert and Timothy D. Wilson,



David Foo


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Leave the Best for the Last

02121CLeave the Best for the Last  

Japanese language had a unique feature of placing importance on the closing sentences rather than in drive the essential key messages across, taking advantage of the “Peak-end rule” by Daniel Kahneman: “a psychological heuristic in which people judge experiences largely based on how they were at their peak (i.e., their most intense point) and at their end, rather than based on the total sum or average of every moment of the experience” .

As a matter of fact, an exchange usually consists of elements of both pleasant as well as a non-appealing one. Context and grammar wise, it carries the same information but it can leave a rather pleasant and lasting impression if we leave the best for the last in the delivery. For example, to pitch a Kinomo dress to potential customers from Tokyo: “The thread was from Osaka but carefully knitted in Tokyo:, likewise, to persuade Osaka based prospects: “Produced in Tokyo with fine threads from Osaka”. Just by reordering the sequences of the sales pitch accordingly, one can increase the probability of closing a deal.

Frequent misunderstandings with one another within our social network underscores the challenges we face amid creative and highly manipulative expansion of our online circles in the world’s largest phenomena never experienced before by mankind. Its not uncommon to learn someone you know have their relationships and reputations being ruined beyond repair overnight with seemingly online innocent postings as intentions was being taken out of context without a fair chance for rectification as compared to standard face to face or over the phone interactions. Now everyone becomes a public figure with unprecedented scrutiny from all around the world, localized and isolated school bullies could potentially become a global online manhunt where some wouldn’t hesitate to hurl virtual abuses in their comforts of their home not unlike the classic road rages where decent individual transformed into hideous character as their automobile become part of the extension when they are behind the sterling wheel.

Working hard to being accepted and given a seal of approval in any relationships is coded in every one of us, from newborn’s instinctive cling to the first human to a child’s formation of playmates, teenager’s exclusive one sided alignment with peers, adult identifying suitable life long mate, sustaining networks of like minded colleagues and so on, yet the simple fundamental and effective rules of engagement that could help us to thrive with fellow homo species have become increasingly challenging nowadays as our days were filled to the brink with ceaseless digital disruptions we willingly consented to in an anticipation of a more productive and rewarding lifestyles.

With the risk of distance in between our treasured friends and relatives in our social engagement rapidly increasing, regular practices with one another in our daily interaction provided an indispensable avenue for us to remain in the mainstream. After all, no man is an island and we are there for each others.  Face to face interactions can also potentially snap up positive energy of one another if proper context and good intention wasn’t put in placed, situation was far worse for the ever dominating social media platforms where the information exchanged was restricted to either text, visual and audio and often rather highly subjective.

Our generic set of highly capable and complex bio sensors actually capture full spectrum of details of which play an important influencing factor even without ourselves noticing it; Acts of rubbing chin, covering one’s mouth, tickling one nose during a conversation usually indicated lies; unstable verbal tone tells if one is nervous; weak handshakes, distancing, straying eye and crossing one arms reveals withdrawn and mistrust. The ambient; lights, background noise, humidity, temperature, a particular aroma and so on all form a big picture of what is exactly going on. Our brains goes into overdrive mode to make crucial judgement subconsciously taking advantages of our basic instincts; a hunch if it’s a scam in progress, if the man is a liar or one had actually found a perfect mate. In other words, the best and sure way to establish and maintain high quality and mutually rewarding relationships across all levels is offline,

In summary, online social media is a great tool and it can be use to compliment our social life rather than replacement of the good old physical interactions where it truly matters. Practice with one another is important to build one’s competency levels, excessive dependence on seemingly almighty internet platforms usually degrades one socializing skillets and always follow one golden rules of leaving the best for the last in a message for maximizing the intended result.  Sometimes, a simple and yet enriching conversation with one another can be as nourishing as a good meal to a physical body as to our souls. Quality triumph over quantity as an average Joe cant possibly manage a couple of thousand high quality friends as claimed on social sites.


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Leverage of Social Networking Parts Ways With Traditions

It’s a well-accepted fact that social networking expansion raises one’s chances of reaching out to more favorable circumstances, however, contrary to popular beliefs, more opportunities are actually waded in as doors are opened through acquaintances from one’s secondary links; a network of people of which one only get to meet probably couple of times a year or not at all for a while rather than from the solid primary social circles of people we hang around on a daily basis.

The rediscovery of the importance of tier 2 networking has found some resonance; from rising incidents of successful job referral revealing the true values of weak social ties one had to extremist’s sizable reaches to young individuals who were inspired to join the great quest from all corners of the connected world. Therefore one shouldn’t underestimate the potential complication of the secondary influences for better or for worse.

Given today competitive mode where the strength of one social’s reach plays an inordinately large role in everyday affairs; from careers advancement, closing deals to making important decisions, most people are inevitably slaves to fear of the unknown beyond their own comfort zone, and prefer avoiding risk to staring it down and reinforce it with self- fulfilling prophecy depending exclusively on advises and guidance from first level of strong circle of liked minded colleagues, friends and relatives. As flock of the feather fly together, our everyday connections where we draw most of the supports and meaningful conversations everyday are likely having very similar profiles as ourselves. They would’ve had the same limitation of useful information or referral outside their existing circles of influences.

In addition, proliferation of multitude of social media networking platform is making it easier for an individual to harness high value prospects through the weaker ties both online and offline. Surprisingly, secondary link can outpace our primary connections in providing valuable tips or advises, it would mark the significant of diversity one needs in this complicated Eco system not unlike in the animal empire, whose influence had until recently appeared to be negligible amid little emphasis and time we actually spent with this particular  network grid. The “someone” from the loose fabric need not to be necessary influential individual with means although it sure didn’t hurt knowing someone up in the value chains. The fundamental distinctions are their profoundly different background from one own which serves as a valuable window for relevant information. Having Robust and valuable life long affiliation not necessary means the type of inner circles you ‘re in but rather how many different outside links can one establish contacts.

There has also been an awakening in the contemporary environment, which has manifest in growing wariness on digital divides and infiltration . A growing segment of demographic society didn’t seem to be able to take advantage of online resources for their own legitimate benefits either through lack of accessibility or incapable of expanding one horizons with sufficient diversity of information. Many become their own editors in deciding their choice of daily exclusive reading materials with the easy to use free instant access online tools often not giving one wide range of coverage from politics, finance, entertainment, community, international, local, IT, forum and so on. Authority had to resort to online advertisements to broadcast their propaganda on the digitized public as the landscape of conventional mass public media channels (TV, Radio, Newspaper) had been radically undermined.

In summary, in an effort to understand the inexorable widening of the gap between haves and have not, one flag stand up. The haves usually had wider networks outside their inner sphere of influences and better understanding how one gains access to useful information will carry weight with have not who aspire to move up the chains of social mobility. Despite the fact that we interact a lots more extensively within our own category as compare to the loose connections of which their wide variety of diversity of different background often throw us the critical indispensable lifelines. In other words, relevant and diversity of information plays a more important roles

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Relationship Management Upgrade 2.0


How do we account for time of which events took place in timeline sequence? with God given internal clock (heartbeats) governing our biological life cycles we become conscious of the passing time with varying degree of perceptions very much dependent on the corresponding context. Internet had a profound impact on our time as we have seen time and again what comes in the wake of perpetual access to the Internets via mobile platforms. As much as technology is an instrument of control, connecting people to outside influences is bound to accelerate the depletion of our limited time never experienced ever.

It’s not uncommon for one to dwell in past events, living it over and over again in our mind for better or for worse, we are backtracking past memories on specified incidents using cognitive situational retrieval model to assess its significant; the more details one can recall, the greater the impacts as in duration and relevancy. Our built-in complimentary sensors could had also aided some of the details collection subconsciously of which the associated recollection we unknowingly filed away could be triggered from time to time; the magnetic tone, salty air, smooth touches, vibrant blue sky, emotional state of fear or enlightenment of that moments and so on. Compulsive engagement of social media doesn’t stop at taking away our precious resources of time; it make a point of taking away our identity and privileges to get connected to peoples, event and ideals in full context. Our sophisticated senses was deprived of their entitlements the social media platforms had yet to offer.

Most important, perception changes time, it correlated to the level of complexities. A classical experiment on test subjects to memorize between a simple and complicated illustration despite both were given equally amount of time, the later felt it had taken longer time to finish the task. We had bulldozed our way into high productivity era with emphasis on faster, better, bigger and cheaper in all aspects in our lifestyle but success seems years away despite countless of efforts put in. The allure of instant gratifications which many had gotten addicted to on personal internet devices has led many to take some uncharacteristic moves that defy the individual proud traditional core values of managing relationships primary with close friends who matters the most through face to face conversations and sharing. We now had more than ever online friends and eager to share out our rather private and personal affairs on media platforms without hesitations, posting only one happiest and best moments in vacation or status used to be a very private gesture only to selected few as not to make others feel uncomfortable on how much well of you have been (Being humble). We all become our own models in advertisement broadcasting exclusively solely on our well beings which represents an incomplete profile of ourselves.

True friends need some level of physical interaction, sharing and confides both enlightening and distressing worries with one another. As a result, we can simply extend our days with these meaningful ties we develop with same amount of time we used on management of online relationships, as it portrays an oversimplified social network. Time used to develop webs of loving and meaningful relationships can do amazing good. Many argue that our core self are being hollowed out as dependence on social media networking grow, getting connected to friends are never this easy and convenient. Our insatiable tendency to strive for popularity online with ever increasing genuine or fake followers suggests we are just social animals craving for attentions making it harder for people to work on the physical relationships where time factors are part of the essential ingredients. Chances to form meaningful ties with one another today have never been easier yet many report higher levels of loneliness and social disconnections.

 Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.– T. S. Elliot

Another key element in our association with time is “Prior anticipatory influences”, the same experiment was conducted but one is given a task upfront to estimate the time he or she needed to complete the test. In regardless of which illustrations was assigned, the conscious awareness gate which serve as a door to our capturing mind will be engaged. For someone who holds high regards on the job will have full throttle at the gate with maximum signals being processed and vice versa, explaining why 15 minutes actual conversation with a friend seems to last hours as compared to equivalent time of engaging in social media activities.

Many bet economic gains would outweigh the constraint of finite resources of eventual mortality are kidding themselves and will be dealt a setback eventually, as we ultimately merely needs love, faith and hope. Change your perspective and you can change your life as a popular motto recited daily by a popular local talk show in Singapore; one can actually squeeze more out of our depleting days by stretching it further with alternative perspective. Ever wonder why we had timeless long holidays when we were younger but time simply flies by when we got older. Our relationship with time is closely related to the amount of information we handle daily, kids explore and venture new and exciting things on a daily basis and he or she had practically unknowingly extended beyond their daily ration of 24 hours. Older adults had relatively mundane routines and some of our days just went unaccounted of with the awareness gate virtually closed. So, one can simply enjoy a upsize of your days by living adventurously, enthusiastically and full of wonders.

Online networks lacks the necessary complexities and integrity which should be used as great and efficient secondary relationship management tools with primary focusing on physical interactions where you get the real deals and these social deposit you made with one another can last a lot longer as its rich and influential in nature, this approach offers key considerations to maximize one precious resources of time where everybody is given 24 hours a day no more and no less on one of the most important aspect of life; relationships.


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No man is an island and as social animals we need to be around with peoples; family, friends and colleagues to have a balance level of sanity.  Our deep addictions to the almighty social media networking also reveal something about ourselves; the strong desires to be accepted and understood, to know you actually matters to someone and how many “Likes” and “shares” your last posting had actually generated.

In fact, Newton third law of motion’s for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction applies to relationships management of mankind across all level as well. It comes from within on our preference on an individual, favorable inclination usually yield a positive likewise return from him or her, likewise for detestation. For some magical unexplained invisible force, one can feel each other’s unspoken likes and dislikes over an extended period of time. Online social networks had brought this to the highest level ever; taking comforts on high number of endorsements on your latest selfies, easy availability of delivery and read flags from messages you just posted, details on duration your recipients actually spent on reading your sharing and so on. People take offence for messages already delivered but receive no immediate reply as if one had spoken to you face to face and was rudely ignored, unlike the legacy emails where delays and buffer in getting responses back are expected and accepted as common practice.

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.”– William Blake,

When former American president, Eisenhower started work in his earlier career days, he maintained a positive and energetic greeting to his superior who is known to be unfriendly, impatient, rude and highly critical of whom everyone else tried their best to avoid. However, to everyone astonishment, Eisenhower eventually melted the ices and begun a long and rewarding mutual professional mentoring relationship with his superior.  Eisenhower explained:” Its wasn’t easy every times I crossed path with him, he simply disregarded my friendly gestures but I continue nonetheless pretending he had a big smiles on his face until one day he started noticing me and we started small conversation about ideas, events and people.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Indeed, a determination to be friendly toward others, combined with the physical law of attraction, spells blessing for someone who wanted to be part of the big family. Our reliance on healthy emotional state of mind builds on overhauls rolled out over the emotional bank accounts we had deposited on others, including sincere cares and interests in others affairs and sharing of gossips or current affairs. Psychologist had conducted an experiment to assess how well one is being liked by 3 other roommates sharing a bedroom.  It’s as simple as asking oneself how many roommates oneself favored, more means one is pretty likable and popular and vice versa.

 “Love Isn’t a Feeling, It’s a Decision”—unknown

On the other hand, not unlike animals, we govern our daily lives with different zones with varying degree of priorities both off and online.

  1. Intimate Zone This is the core where one enjoys close proximity with those matters the most both emotionally and physically, this includes lovers, parents, spouse, children, close friends and relatives
  2. Personal Zone People we came across at church gathering, office parties, social functions and friendly gatherings. Some can be developed into closer ties and being friendly towards one another often open doors to more potential fruitful relationship
  3. Social Zone Service providers like plumber, hairstylist, insurance agent, the local shopkeeper, the new employee at work and people whom we do not know very well.
  4. Public Zone Whenever we address a large group of people

True relationship that matters faces headwinds when we didn’t prioritize them into appropriate category and fall into the trap of instant gratifications of acceptance and popularity of secondary cluster of social and public zone. Majority of our finite resources should be used on improving ties within the intimate and personal category, with left over on other territories similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need, one needs a strong foundation of Intimate family and friends as base before piling on with subsequent layers otherwise often risk identity crisis.   Online management had also unleashed tools for ease of engagement with huge number of peoples but majority are actually irrelevant for meaningful mutual personal enlightenment. That solidifies the social role on the right peoples as one of the main pillar as how one value themselves and as mainstream Asian preferred route for confidence and acceptance.  Like if quantum entanglement is true, the related parties react in similar or opposite ways even when separated by tremendous distance.

How to increase the positive force? Integrating both off and online strategies

Family: Common platform creation; Television is “an area that has been crying out for innovation and as a center stage for social interaction among family members, having the same contents provides opportunities for discussion and sharing to build appropriate values and ties with one another. A family core values takes years, even decades, to fully reveal itself and it pays to sow the seeds, water the ground diligently. The powerful social media platforms is fast becoming a primary get to channels for advice, suggestions and friendships without the vested safeguard from families and close friends from zone 1 who can help to screen and sanction as only they had your best interests in mind, therefore one should take advantages to harness the benefits of online tools focusing on Tier 1 relationship management; i.e. Chat group solely on family members, they are the one who matters the most who will turn up for hospital visits, funeral, family crisis and so on.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”― Bernard M. Baruch

Workplace: The office or company is only as good as the people you know in it and it serves as an important avenue for interpersonal relationship networking and development. In facts, People enjoy a small cluster of close contacts with one another in office as what they do had played a dominant role of what they are and new ways of involvement are in order to keep high morale and productivity. Face to Face interactions are never so important nowadays as we always crave physical proximity. Informal gathering, tea breaks and meal times with close colleagues lets one vents angers, trades gossips and harness rapports that usually last for a life time. Small talks in office are part of puzzle of socializing requirements of anyone who earns a salary in an organisation. With the diminishing boundaries between private and working life for majority of working individuals, relationship network play a critical roles in career advancements as favors and preferences are exchanged from time to time.

Nevertheless, in many corporations, the wind is out of the sails of those who want to drive higher productivity through control of information and prohibits employee’s engagement of social media platforms and informal formation of networks with co-workers who had no obvious direct working relationships.  There are always attempts to blunt social Influence in work performance by discouraging extensive office talks or politics but the front line had fallen with the introduction of always connected very affordable gadgets to wide ranges of extremely user friendly and interesting social media applications and so on. On the contrary, studies had been carried out and found higher productivity for workers who frequently initiate small talks with their co-workers on either work or other issues as compare to those who mind exclusively their own business, it may be linked to more enlightenment and stronger sense of belonging the former feels at work. –

Moreover, it’s rather a social norm for work relationship going private forming marriage or other business venture and the keys are to identify the few colleagues and friends who shared the same values for mutual positive reinforcement and place primary priority in maintaining and improving the ties as we inevitably had to be selective with our increasingly dwindling remaining days.

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”

― Marlene Dietrich

In summary, we are all associated with one another both online and offline. Being friendly and holding well wishes for an individual despite distance and lack of interactions bode well in long term as for some reasons, he or she actually feels it and would reciprocate in returns. However, one had to be specified on the online dimensions as an average person simply didn’t have the bandwidth to manage hundreds of even thousands of friends on the exception one does this for a living. We need to moves to tighten rules on engagement of new relationships as all these need nurturing to bear fruits of any kind as we grow older into more roles and responsibility, our finite and diminishing time and energy needs even more prudent allocations.  Online era is here to stay and it’s of paramount important to take advantage of it and avoid of  being misled, the bottom lines are to begin with yourself of being friendly and hold well wishes for others. As sometimes we simply needed each others for a rewarding and meaningful fulfillment in family, work and communities.


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Overcoming the Challenges of Parenting Outsourcing in Asia



Female labor participation stays as highest ever in Asia as many embrace workplace for inspiring lifestyle; satisfying and stretching work has become a psychological necessity. More than ever, we are defined by what we do and Asian ladies had moved up the social mobility with incredible pace in the past couple of decades and both man and women have access to unprecedented equal opportunities although the pace of women’s rise— and man’s relative stagnant had been nothing short of spectacular, with more job opportunities created with the remarkable economic progress among Asian countries, women flooded the labor market.

Ironically, this had created another classical problem of falling infertility within the country. Increasing number of productive and prime age women and men chose to remain single or having a much smaller family size giving in to the demanding challenges of modern parenting. From macroscopic perspectives, the population demography trends of generic growth are of paramount significant to the local authorities to remain competitive in the long run. Man powers are precious raw materials if manage well.

Therefore radical reforms are needed on boosting the birthrates aimed at spurring domestic consumption and taxable employment as the driver of economic growth otherwise allowing influx of much-needed foreign labors risks upsetting local resident voters as they inevitably see microscopic threats of competition for limited jobs, housing and basic infrastructure. The initiative reflects Government’s determination to curtail the momentum of aging population through a formidable mobilization of social resources to make parenting a desirable and feasible ways of life through full fledged of measures; from maternity care of up to 4 months and attractive income tax rebates and options of taking extended 6 to 12 months of unpaid maternity leave, however,  majority of career women impose self-restraints of taking advantages of them due to the misplaced fears of losing out on the competitive edges to their peers during their absent from work place.

Indeed, many working mothers claim workplace intimidation over extended maternity leave where colleagues need to cover the duties during her absence unwillingly or bosses need to go through the hassles of reshuffling manpower to fill the 4 month or longer voids. On the other hand, working Asian man hasn’t been much help in parenting unlike their peers in Scandinavian where man also are expected to shouldered on the burdens as primary care giver taking extensive paternity leaves as its socially encouraged and mandated and subsidized by the state with preference in strong social justice.

As a result, many desperate parents had turned to the most cost-effective outsourcing channels available to care for their young children; hiring a live in domestic maid usually young to middle age women from relative poorer Asian countries who also leave their own children back home to someone else’s care. However, from time to time, there are reported cases of domestic helpers and employers being investigated for abuses; physical, sexual, monetary and so on within the household, stoking parents fears although it’s extremely rare statistically speaking.

This led us to the primary discussion of this article; How to maximize the benefits of parenting outsourcing while minimizing the downsides, what fundamental jobs should be kept in housed? will the relationship with children be strained?  What are the bottom lines? The 3 or 4 years old inevitable grow more attach to the primary care takers and one had to be prepared and put in extraordinary efforts to strengthen the bonding. In other words, be realistic and know what to be expected and take ownership on key essential elements while prepared to make compromises on other area.

In the book of “How to balance the values of your life” quoted e.g. Dell increasingly outsource their computer assembly works to Asus until they ended up losing their main core advantages not unlike parents giving up the opportunities for character shaping, values instilling of their own off-springs to third party, the children could ended up growing up strikingly resembling and bear our own last name but within, a stranger nonetheless. One had to be like Apple, aggressively retaining the core design features in US’s headquarter which commands high premium and outsource the mundane, razor-thin 3 to 4% margin and labor intensive assembly works to China.

Myths of Parenting

Hardware is everything?

Inspiring working Asian couple often place higher priority in financial achievement as a safeguard for their children’s future prospects and overlooked the opportunities to also groom them with right sets of values. It’s often related to insecurities and the fears of losing out. Children needs strong role models within the families and their first idols are usually their parents. Money like any resources needed good common sense for proper management. Instead of leaving a good legacy on values, principles and excellence to their next generation, Asian loves leaving their wealth to their children but too much of wealth often turns out to be a cursing rather than blessing.

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching youRobert Fulghum

Quality triumph over Quantity?

Having double income are critical to remain competitive and enjoying decent lifestyles for all and many highly educated and productive men and women rather earn an income then undertaking the perceived low value added jobs of chasing after the young crying and demanding children, prioritizing qualities over quantity. They overlooked the fact that’s a healthy childhood includes stages where one develops love and security, build attachment, learnt of disciplinary, exercise self-discipline and practice self-learning. The best time to construct emotional attachments are actually during the seemingly monotonous and highly physical and emotional exhaustive chores of exchanging diapers, making infant formula, toilet training, feeding, playing, cuddling, pacifying screaming infants, sleepless nights nursing a high fevers and so on.

How come I do most of the job?

Increasing family disputes in Asia expose a growing rift between the parent over who should assume more commitment and who to sacrifice their careers over parenting. Although the man had significantly contributed in managing the household chores as compared to their dads in the 50, 60s, women still spend twice as much time (used to be x 7 time more) and this had resulted in strong resentment between modern couples. In fact, modern Asian fathers had been involving and engaging the joys of fatherhood never experienced before due to constraint of circumstance and remarkable improvement on living standard, it’s a blessing in disguise man now spend considerable more time with their children. Asia had a long way to go to have Scandinavian’s unbiased, generous and robust paternity system. However, things are getting better over time.

“The way you work is the way you live”–unknown

Not my cup of tea?

Extended maternity leaves give opportunities for mothers to explore the possibility of assuming full-time home maker. One common myth for newly minted mother going through the tedious and laborious chores of providing to the infant ended up opting back to workplace as preferred choice as they found out child rearing are not their calling and strength. As a matter of fact, nobody are born natural care giver but whether one is willing to accept the responsibility going through the challenges , understanding one’s shortcoming and weakness and make the commitment to assume the new roles, complimenting with the spouse to manage the family. There is no short cut here, one had to go through the rite of passage.

How to overcome the challenges of parenting outsourcing?

Therefore, the idea is to have a full-time home maker, man or women to provide for the children as its rather laborious, physical, financial and emotional demanding job but very rewarding in the long run but however, realistic speaking, majority couple works and the good news are one still can overcome the challenges of parenting and  bring up decent children; it’s the management of outsourcing with realistic expectation and claiming ownership of character and personality shaping of the children.

“Ohana” means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or—Unknown

Be realistic as trade-off are normal and get engaged for trust building.  

One must acknowledge Children take after the care takers in the formative years. Talk and behave like the maids or grandpa, exhibiting undesired eating habits and parents should cater allowance for this and accept the facts and focus on relationship building rather than excessive correcting their styles which changes from time to time.

Mutual trusts are important as building blocks. Parent despite outsourcing their children to enrichment and tuition classes still can participate and interact with them. Eg. How does the tuition go, do you understand better now?  Compromises are inevitable, however one should exceptionally treasure the remaining relationship left with the children after they had been outsourced for care taking and skill development. Father and Mother are being admired and worshiped by children and being physically and emotional present at most of the time had it’s own rewards.

Family: Father and Mother I Love You–unknown

Assume Full Responsibility

Correct perspectives had to be in placed when one couple decided to become parents as their relative carefree career and family life will be altered with different expectations and inspirations forever. For example, are dads prepared to live up to true fatherhood? Is everyone ready to live a simpler lifestyle now with heavier commitment? The challenging works of disciplinary, tutoring and complimenting children had to be done by parent themselves avoiding taking the easier way out of leaving them to grandparents, tuition centers, kindergarten, live in maids. These resources are here to compliment not taking over the ownership of parenting; Think of yourself like Apple, a product owner with key design features kept in-house, rather than like Dell going taking the easier way out and lose its competitive advantages over time.


The myth of outsourcing parenting chores needed to be weighted with opportunity cost, sometimes it just didn’t make sense financially for both parent with young children to work full time, as its takes money to earn a salary; expenses such as transportation, clothing, meals, entertainment and so on, the take home pays often ended up barely enough to cover the third-party care providers. Parenting is not simply about providing the best materialistic comforts for the children, but about fulfilling something larger than ourselves, leaving a decent legacy behind with our next generations with the right core values. Therefore, couples having the same values on parenting are of paramount importance to have common goals established as he rise of divorces cases underscores the challenges faced by married man and women in shaping its common vision for the future of their children. Children who are well taken cared off emotionally and physically understood they are being loved unconditionally with minimum anxiety level and it became easier for parenting and grooming in their later years.

 “Now we‘re just memories for our children” – Cooper, Interstellar

Therefore, while parenting outsourcing becomes indispensable for couple with children to cope in modern Asian communities and one must understand its pros and cons and willing to accept some form of compromises and prioritize on what’s are the bottom lines; relationship, characters and key values had to be retained in housed no matter what. And over the long-term, man need to adapt to a changed work and family environment in which the management of the household and children development efficiency primary  fall onto the women are no longer unquestioned priorities


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