Sibling rivalry have bedeviled family since day 1. Most wouldn’t admit but we are more or less had our personality being influenced to certain degree depending on our ranking among the siblings in the family. We seemed unaware of the complication the ranking had in formation on our perspectives on things and proper profiling them can be rather effective for painlessly understand our occasional irrationalities and be sympathetic why our brothers and sisters behaves as they are either positively or most of the times rather negatively. With the understandings, we can rationalize them better and further improve our relationship with one another as Asian culture emphasize humility, respects, rote learning, filial, honor and family obligations.
Deep-seated Asian culture expect eldest especially son to carry on the family names and be responsible to take care of the aging parents, this originated from agriculture base society where half a dozen sibling or more in the household is the common practice. Therefore Eldest get the privilege of power and respects, the younger one look upon the big brothers or sisters for affirmative and in some cases secondary fatherly authoritative figure for directions. They normally grown up to be a responsible and commanding individual taking over the extended parenting roles of the juniors to a extents of over authoritative and nosy occasionally. Often blaming themselves not doing enough for the life failures of the younger siblings and in some incidents giving out their own privileges of either further schooling or resources for the sake of better shots for the younger one. They had accomplished all the world could ever reasonably demand of one with the responsibility bestowed upon them and this commands genuine respects from the the rest of the siblings. Eldest Instinctively leads and taking ownership, articulate reasons and viewpoints clearly in the family.
The one in the middles used to be the darling of the household until being upgraded with new addition of little brothers or sisters, and out of the blue they are the worst off among the siblings as neither they command respects by the oldest nor pampers enjoyed by the youngest. Most will probably had a mix feeling of being neglected at one time or another. Due to their inherent weak position, they usually employ premeditation to navigate around the territories to avoid stepping on landmines and getting what they after. It is rather striking to observe how the middle ranked sibling carries themselves usually excel in many fields either academic or sports in school to prove his or her own values to fight for the limited attentions from the parent. In the progress of doing so, they grown up to be a flexible and highly organized adult. The main trap is to have unknowing parent over sideline them in favor to the younger one in allocating loves and favors which could had created strong displeases among them even into adulthood. Parents must pay extraordinary care not to crash their fragile self-esteems.
The jewel of the family goes to the youngest where all attentions and resources seemed to be focused on them and this had unfailingly draw jealousy from the others. They get the best treatment of all and they know how to use their position to lay hands on things and favors by whining and so on. They tends to have higher level of emotional intimacy between parents and themselves as being the last addition to the family,in addition, they have strong tendency to achieve their life inspirations without much of the constraints suffered by his or her older siblings.
The increasing new category of being the only child in the family will also need to be addressed, exceptionally strong maternal bonds could had been an obstacle for the grown up to gain the necessary autonomous one needed to be successful in developing their own relationship with opposite sex, broken marriages due to excessive parental influences are not uncommon nowadays with majority being the only child in the family. In addition, the filial responsibility for large group of aging parents and grandparents could also be seemingly overwhelming for single child to bear without the benefits of having other siblings to share the loads.
In Summary, with exceptions of course. Eldest felt he or she is obligated to fulfill important roles of the families and enjoy a great sense of significant and duties and most importantly they know they are indispensable in the household and well respected whereas the opposite end of the youngest one get to utilize all the resources the family had catered for them and excel in maximizing their potentials without restraints. The one in the middle learn to plan strategically in order not to lose their identity and voices competing the much wanted attentions from the same parents. So, when in conflict with your brothers and sisters, you can try to put yourself in their shoes and try to comprehend their rationale behind. If you are the parent, try to pay extraordinary attentions to the middle child by emphasizing they are unique and special and you love them nonetheless and we as parents should learn to build trust and influence at all levels and avoid comparing among them in open in order not to create high level of anxiety among the siblings,nurture your own hobbies and interests so you can be more independent emotionally and let go of them at the right time and this will probably be the best gifts you ever given to them. Children after all didn’t actually belong to you to possess, control, manipulate and capitalize on. (one gets a much better returns in keeping a pet instead) We parents are only the housekeepers to take care and bring up the children to adulthood, the joys of parenthood itself is a great rewards from them already.
Uncle Garfield Enjoys His Daily Coffee break at Charlie Brown Cafe, Orchard Road…