Make Yourself A Blessing To Your Grown Up Children Instead of Burdens In Asia Context

With average life span ever increasing, living to an  age beyond 100 is not as impossible as few decade earlier. With advancement of medical revolution, it becomes an option available to many of us to stretch our mortal years as long as possible. However, with ever decreasing family structures, the sheer burdens of both emotional and financial demands from both the maternal and paternal aging parents clamping down on just one or two adult children become an imminent burden as most retirees in this part of the world had either insufficient or simply no State backed welfare pension system to sustain or complement their few decades of unproductive years unlike their counterparts in the west.

As an effort to minimize our demands on our next generations, there are 3 key aspects we should make sure we invest our time and energy on as early as possible, they normally pays off handsomely and almost never go wrong. your spouse, your Pals and your money. How to make sure they are well taken care of and any ways possibly to maximize the returns. (An extract from Chinese saying: 老伴,老友,老本)。

God gives us marriage for a reason, a workable union between two individual carries multiple benefits on overall well-being and it also make economical senses for resources sharing and complimenting each others different needs and if it can carry on to the old age, the returns are almost guaranteed promising as we in our final stage of our grey hair mortal life can definitely appreciate each others company and mutually beneficial physical and emotional supports in an empty nest where the children had most probably grown up and moved out. Women who bequeathed a legacy of superior memory and longer life-span had to be pampered by the man at all times to  ensure there are sufficient credits in their emotional bank account to draw against by being a good husband; caring, attentive, sensible and lots of loyalty and love. The last thing we need is an old couple full of bitterness, hatred and blames as these will bring pressures and troubles to the adult children.  (An extract from Chinese saying: 少年父妻老来陪)。

We all need to engage in person to person conversation to keep our sanity in balance, female uses 20000 words in a day, 13000 more than their counterparts. Many of working adults exhaust their quota in work with colleagues over meetings, breaks and meal times. Women had better leverage than man on this aspect, calling around and engage in talks actively, whereas man just simply at a lost once he leaves employment and felt an attack of anxieties and sense of self-doubts overwhelmingly simply just by staying at homes idling not adjusting and adapting to his new roles fast enough. That’s why we need to groom the relationship with friends outside of circle of work by committing to turn up regularly for any reunions, gathering or tea session. Especially pals with certain level of common background where trust levels are generally higher. “Out of sights, out of mind” held true in these situations. Making yourself highly friendly, visible and interesting among your pals. They are your few network remains where you can spend some quality spare times with them in your retired years, helping out each others by lending a listening years, sharing of thoughts and feeling and a bit of boasting around. As a results, one well being is being maintained and this will prevent excessive attention reliance on your spouse and your adult children. Give them a break as most probably they will be in their prime time pursuing careers or family objectives.

Last but not least which is a golden rules of all, keep some saving for your own to preserve some minimum amount of dignities. It could be an asset or cash savings. Asian had a totally different views on money as compared to their western counterparts. To many of us hard currencies are the ultimate goals and we strife to generate as much as possible and vow on our ancestor’s grave to pass them on to our next generations. It probably had some relevant to the level of insecurity as most region around here didn’t provide the sort of welfare safety net. But money is like water, having too much could led to flooding and many deceased tycoons families ended in disputes if the heritages left over are mishandled. By giving them just enough if you must and bring them up with the right values are probably the best option. Many siblings actually compete with one another for their treatment to the aging parents. Your right hand shouldn’t know what your left hand is doing and its the parent job to bless the children by preventing sibling rivalry by avoiding excessive criticizing and comparing one another in terms of the allowances and treatments received in the open. Just take it as it is and understand it’s rather challenging to keep in par sometimes as some of the children will do a lots better than the other in the commercial world.

In summary, children are God’s properties given to us to help to take care until maturity where they can be on their own. Along the way, they gives us immerse parenting pleasures and satisfactions and make our mortal life more complete with minimum regrets. We do not actually own them and if they turn out to be filial and supportive in your old age financially and emotionally, its a pleasant extra bonus. We cant make the children to grow up to meet exactly what we wanted, we can only provide the best known proven environments and hope for the best; strong family ties, plenty of love and affirmation and so on. Sometimes, they still didn’t live up to our expectations not entirely due to our shortcomings as it’s just the nature of selection with the larger scheme of things.  In that case,  we should also be carry on living with dignities and enjoy simple joys as much as possible until we move on. By investing early and aggressively  on the above three discussed items, we can be truly a blessing to everyone around us especially to the grown up children.


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