We as the mortals with inevitable streams of prolonged fears are affecting our own overall well-being and as a result we tend to bury all troubled thoughts deep down to acquire a decent sense of sanity in an effort to move on in life, however, all these unaddressed anxieties eventually erupted accompanying with the flows of our unconditional love for our offspring.
Newly minted mother often fails to allay fears over the well-being of her new-born: “She is 3 months old and I’ve just returned to office after the maternity break, despite knowing that she is in good hands with my mother but I had this uneasy feeling about her safety nonetheless ; “will she falls down from the crib and break her neck? suffocating on her feeds and so on? I felt these worries getting worst over time as long as she is not within sights, what’s going on with me?”
Her conscious mind was assuring everything are in order, however, the buried fears was mingling with her maternal care for the new-born and gotten confused. Constantly being paranoid for Children’s safety are not uncommon, although necessary precautions already been taken care of, we felt bothered all day long despite knowing that the kids most probably are having a jolly good time doing whatever their childhood demanded.
Our peace of mind are dwindling sharply when the child grow older beyond our physical control; riding school buses, going off to a summer camp, hanging up with their peers and so on. In fact, with the outflow of unconditional love for the new member of the family, the long depressed unaddressed anxiety and fears had emerged and this had been one of the contributing factors of post natal depression.
As a matter of fact, it become crucial to identify what are bothering us and try to put them in order by going through the proper process of handling them in sequence preferably; heads on with them bravely, handle through them properly, accepting the consequences gracefully and finally a closure of putting them down and move on with life.
Our daily irrational conducts origins from the unsettled emotions had an unintended negative influence to our children as they unknowingly clone themselves with our unhealthy state of mind and behaviors with their wide open adaptive minds. Our actions and words are unknowingly casting the mold of the child prematurely especially for those under 3 years old.
As a result, children were being held hostage of our un-refrained anxieties and incur equivalent emotional sufferings and discomforts even without experiencing the incidents themselves and hold a set of preexisting biased values well into their adulthood; fearful of getting married as all man are dishonest, afraid of pursuing their interests as they will inevitably fail, reluctant to initiate a business venture or career change holding on to their elders advice.
Adults being brought up in such manner always take the gloomiest possible views, stressing solely on the negative and unfavorable perspectives. If they didn’t sort out the root-causes of these emotions and address them in time, many will turn to self-rationalization and had a tendency to let these third hand experiences become an actual event for themselves in a bid to feel normalized with the unaccounted mental agitation and disturbance. Moreover, it could become a vicious cycle of hindering others duplicating the same phobia for self-justification and common grounds; for example, high percentage of divorces runs in the family across few generations due to men attracted to opposite sex resembling their divorced parents unconsciously and so on.
In addition, over worrying with our children often reflected in lack of trusts to the care takers of whom will shift these burdens to the children which resulted in multiplying negative influences. Instead of feeling uneasy, we should be blessing our children with positive mental picture of a safe environment emphasizing the bright and sunny side of everyone, reinforcing the good behaviors with open commendations repeatedly.
Perhaps we can learn to leverage on kid’s natural instincts of empathy to impart positive and encouraging elements as our gifts for them to build a healthy life long inclination against all odds to secure a decent and meaningful lifestyle of their own in future.
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Uncle Garfield Enjoys Dining at Charlie Brown Cafe- Orchard Road, Singapore