Family relationship management is not simply about having frequent conversations with one another during the inevitable major family events where the essential core family members of whom their attendance are almost can be taken for granted; birthday party, festive holiday, baby shower, funeral, wedding, house warming and so on, but more about one’s capacity of holding your tongues for a range of sensitive and touchy forbidden issues; therefore silence is gold as a standard modus operandi remains a popular option especially among Asian man whose love and care were often shown rather than verbalized.
Letting loose one tongue aiming at spurring verbal exchanges as the driver of interrelationship growth within the close members of the family; sibling, children, parents, in-law and spouses carries serious repercussions if it’s not properly tamed and often becomes a source of growing rift over the ties with one another. It’s not uncommon for one to hold grudges for certain insensitive remarks others had made decades before without the so called “perpetrator” even being made aware of, most often than not, it’s could be as trivial as an off-hand casual and no ill-intention innocent remark. Asian had a general tendency of choosing to accept the perceived insults as it is rather than confronting them for clarification for proper initiation of sequence of addressing toward closure in order for life to move on decently.
Therefore one should pays extraordinary precautions for 3 known categories of issues within the family as they had been proven as emotional draining and disturbing in nature. How to speak your mind without degradation of integrity within the family properly in Asian context while observing the hidden rules of engagement and what are the alternative options available are therefore crucial for a healthy and beneficial lifestyle, after all no man is an island and good families ties do pays off for everyone in the broader perspective. Followings are the matters one has to tread with cares;
1. Monetary affairs with one another
2. Gossip/controversial issues of family members;
3. Sexual temptations one come across
Money: It’s difficult to ask for a monetary loan or sponsorship from immediate family members without suffering some degree of face losing, it’s even more challenging to either turn down or giving in when you are the one being asked (usually you won’t be the only one in the family network). Its inevitably involves soliciting the hard to get consensus with the spouse if the amount is within one means and one has to ask whether one can live on life with a peace of mind parting away with the financial resources assuming the worse case scenario of ever seeing the money again if one decided to extend the helping hands. It’s quite common to have a family loan deal go belly up and goes into delinquency resulting in relationship breakdown drawing concerns across all family units under the same clan as the incident signal a new phase of emotional discomforts in the relationship and threatened to erode ties with multiplying effects. Money affair can be the beginning of sizable family distress for many years.
Gossip: The rise of family disputes underscores the challenges faced by many inspiring individual man and women tying the knots in shaping their vision for a meaningful future relationship of the extended families ties. It’s ever complicating when in-law was kicked into the pictures as it becomes a union of 2 separate independent family potentially with distinctive different values and upbringings. Many has turned to bare minimum visits to their in-law in an apparent attempt to assimilate the spouse and minimize potential disputes and unpleasant scenario with one another to avoid stoking one fears of mounting sour relationship with the immediate relatives.
Rule number one is to refrained from criticizing and making opinions and comments on their in-laws, blood is always thicker for direct offspring with rooms for navigation, however the same didn’t applies to the in-law. Tips number 2 involving appropriate rules of engagement with older Asian elders, one must had the right altitude and patient tone when interacting with the elders as most of them had lesser confidence and lower threshold of tolerance and felt insecure and highly sensitive as compared with their prime time or else as a result they will simply clamp up and refuse for further socializing. Marital struggles should also be kept from elderly for a fair chance of recovery process to take place.
Sexual temptations: To share or not to share with the spouse on the sexual advances one encountered bothers almost all married man and women and some wife is very particular and could overreacted unnecessary if the man fails to pacify and lay the foundation out front, one can choose to keep to yourself on the ground of strong confidence and trust level thus avoiding many messy complicated unjustified feelings and suspicions. Man obsessive addiction of porn surfing from time to time, if being stumbled across on the spot, the wife should avoid instant confrontation and hold the breadth and allocates due privacy and address it at later time when both are in a more receptive atmosphere finding out the reasons for such behaviors and in what way one can accommodate to each other.
In a nut shell, spilling the gut out on things that are bothering you is one of the most effective ways of emotional expression for sake of keeping sanity in check and the wide adoption of wide variety of social media platforms had brought this to an unchartered territory, the rules of the game have changed and the environment is no longer as rigid and resources draining as before, social media networking can be deployed to address the emotional needs with appropriate smiley and sharing if one use them wisely applying the principle of thinking first act later; For anything that’s are on your mind; we should hold on to it first and cool down before sharing and liking and ask what’s are our motives behind by sharing? Are these based on known facts? and had they been validated and lastly is it really necessary and helpful for others other than just wanting to getting them off your chest for instant personal gratification dispensing and hurling our emotional garbage and burdens unto our loves one either physically or through social media channels.
There was a notable level of dissatisfaction and resentment among those who are at the receiving end of negative and meaningless verbal emotional disposal. With clear boundary drawn as described above, true freedom of speech within the family is truly exhilarating and indescribable. it’s what belonging to a family all about. It was only the determination of biting the tongue in the right context that saved anyone from the fate of soured family ties, one can always walk away from a loud mouth and loose tongue colleagues or friends for damage control but not so between our own family members as they are here to stay, for better or for worse.