Few would argue that relationships plagued with frequent unresolved disagreements which often sparked outrages between individuals and couldn’t stand on it’s own in the long run are counter-productive and even health hazardous. And a timely shift in perspective in the right direction could herald years of fruitful interactions maintaining a decent level of healthy and robust social ties which increasingly play an important element for our overall well-beings as It’s not uncommon to have man held grudges hidden or openly of past arguments with one another without taking an initiative to seek closures and some even brought these regrets to their graves. It’s like drinking a dose of poison potion and hoping that someone else will suffer. As a result, these ruined associations had left many of us vulnerable and feeling bruised which when multiplied with wider time horizon, tends to make us bitter and unapproachable. We after all as social being needs to maintain a sizable healthy dosage of uplifting human interaction as we are all inter connected with more or less the common destinies.
As a matter of fact, swirling debates and conflicts in opinions have never been far from our daily conduct of routine life, talking to one another on a variety range of topics; weather, office politics, traffics, schooling and so on, the list is unlimited so long one had an urge to speak their mind. No man is an island and meaningful verbal communication could be as enlightening and nourishing as we want them to be. However, things will go south if one can’t agree other’s entitlements to different perspectives and make a mistake of having aggressive attempts to convince others to conform to our own opinions, the key is to able to distinguish the fundamental difference between conclusion versus the actual latest facts.
Agree to disagree agreeably is the bottom line
First thing first, any conversation consists of 3 essential elements; facts, logic and conclusions. Logic becomes the indispensable links for one to draw their own opinions on any subjects or facts, it’s just an individual ways of connecting the dots based on their own unique diverse background and motivation and of course the inevitable inherent personal bias, so refrain from deploying authoritative and win-lose manners is the first step of achieving personal harmony. We are at a juncture in its social ties development when it is trying hard to strike a new balance between mutual personal enrichment and fueling the ego of persuading and overshadow own values onto others. Proper interpretations of any conversations should be viewed as the opportunity to improve interpersonal relationship across all different social levels in a background where ego seemingly never fails to outstrip humbleness. The failures for constructive and meaningful meeting and verbal exchanges can now be viewed as a measurable hurdle to achievement of decent productivity improvement for the organization as well as on individual level.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.”
— George Washington Carver,
For example; Charlie told Tom, “Its rather chill today, don’t you think? Yesterday wasn’t so bad.” “ I don’t think so, it’s kind of the same, maybe you got a cold of something” replied Tom. Charlie got offended right away, “No, don’t you get it, I am feeling great today, I can’t believe you feel nothing”. Chuck and Tom exchanged their personal views on how they felt about the weather and neglected to shift the focus back to the facts. Instead Tom should had offered: “Really? the weather forecast indicated 2 degree higher today as compared to yesterday, would you like to put on your jacket if you feel cold? I am OK”. They can then move the conversation to the next topic on their mind. Tom had simply stressed on the changes in weather and provided the logic behind it and take a step back to avoid confrontation and shift the weights to facts; what was yesterday weather and how much had changed.
One must also focus and respect on the logic how one comes to a certain conclusions and diligently seek to clarify or offer them when necessary. Everyone can establish a distinctive feeling and thoughts based the same facts, we can’t even deny our own inclinations to form a drastic different conclusion on the same topics as we grow older. We need to be constantly on the toes in identifying and strive to avoid the temptation of being boasting, judgmental, criticizing and so on as there are plenty of room for a mutual benefiting interactions to take place.
Disputes inevitably arises from conversation from time to time, however how to avoid being caught in conflicts and having the relationship dented can be learnt. What’s your perspectives and agree to different views, bottom line is refocus on how does it arise, what are the background that one comes to this conclusion. There are no winners or losers in true relationship; winning in an argument exults us temporary but risk losing the core ties. At risk of simplification, one might say it needs to balance between meeting head needs and heart’s needs. Desired to be understood coupled with motivation to be accepted at the same time seems like the recipes for disasters in the brewing. The long term viability of the relationship management is to adopt the proper perspectives, separating facts, opinions, conclusion and logic from the individual, accepting them as what they already are and practice to shift the focus to facts, taking advantages of diverse comments for enrichment and confirming the trains of thought of the logic behind it. In doing so, both side walk away and pocket the gains. Discover the many emotional faces of an individual, be accommodating and helpful rather than being critical openly, everyone needs to have their emotion needs fulfilled primary through meaningful conversations.
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