No man is an island and as social animals we need to be around with peoples; family, friends and colleagues to have a balance level of sanity.  Our deep addictions to the almighty social media networking also reveal something about ourselves; the strong desires to be accepted and understood, to know you actually matters to someone and how many “Likes” and “shares” your last posting had actually generated.

In fact, Newton third law of motion’s for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction applies to relationships management of mankind across all level as well. It comes from within on our preference on an individual, favorable inclination usually yield a positive likewise return from him or her, likewise for detestation. For some magical unexplained invisible force, one can feel each other’s unspoken likes and dislikes over an extended period of time. Online social networks had brought this to the highest level ever; taking comforts on high number of endorsements on your latest selfies, easy availability of delivery and read flags from messages you just posted, details on duration your recipients actually spent on reading your sharing and so on. People take offence for messages already delivered but receive no immediate reply as if one had spoken to you face to face and was rudely ignored, unlike the legacy emails where delays and buffer in getting responses back are expected and accepted as common practice.

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.”– William Blake,

When former American president, Eisenhower started work in his earlier career days, he maintained a positive and energetic greeting to his superior who is known to be unfriendly, impatient, rude and highly critical of whom everyone else tried their best to avoid. However, to everyone astonishment, Eisenhower eventually melted the ices and begun a long and rewarding mutual professional mentoring relationship with his superior.  Eisenhower explained:” Its wasn’t easy every times I crossed path with him, he simply disregarded my friendly gestures but I continue nonetheless pretending he had a big smiles on his face until one day he started noticing me and we started small conversation about ideas, events and people.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Indeed, a determination to be friendly toward others, combined with the physical law of attraction, spells blessing for someone who wanted to be part of the big family. Our reliance on healthy emotional state of mind builds on overhauls rolled out over the emotional bank accounts we had deposited on others, including sincere cares and interests in others affairs and sharing of gossips or current affairs. Psychologist had conducted an experiment to assess how well one is being liked by 3 other roommates sharing a bedroom.  It’s as simple as asking oneself how many roommates oneself favored, more means one is pretty likable and popular and vice versa.

 “Love Isn’t a Feeling, It’s a Decision”—unknown

On the other hand, not unlike animals, we govern our daily lives with different zones with varying degree of priorities both off and online.

  1. Intimate Zone This is the core where one enjoys close proximity with those matters the most both emotionally and physically, this includes lovers, parents, spouse, children, close friends and relatives
  2. Personal Zone People we came across at church gathering, office parties, social functions and friendly gatherings. Some can be developed into closer ties and being friendly towards one another often open doors to more potential fruitful relationship
  3. Social Zone Service providers like plumber, hairstylist, insurance agent, the local shopkeeper, the new employee at work and people whom we do not know very well.
  4. Public Zone Whenever we address a large group of people

True relationship that matters faces headwinds when we didn’t prioritize them into appropriate category and fall into the trap of instant gratifications of acceptance and popularity of secondary cluster of social and public zone. Majority of our finite resources should be used on improving ties within the intimate and personal category, with left over on other territories similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need, one needs a strong foundation of Intimate family and friends as base before piling on with subsequent layers otherwise often risk identity crisis.   Online management had also unleashed tools for ease of engagement with huge number of peoples but majority are actually irrelevant for meaningful mutual personal enlightenment. That solidifies the social role on the right peoples as one of the main pillar as how one value themselves and as mainstream Asian preferred route for confidence and acceptance.  Like if quantum entanglement is true, the related parties react in similar or opposite ways even when separated by tremendous distance.

How to increase the positive force? Integrating both off and online strategies

Family: Common platform creation; Television is “an area that has been crying out for innovation and as a center stage for social interaction among family members, having the same contents provides opportunities for discussion and sharing to build appropriate values and ties with one another. A family core values takes years, even decades, to fully reveal itself and it pays to sow the seeds, water the ground diligently. The powerful social media platforms is fast becoming a primary get to channels for advice, suggestions and friendships without the vested safeguard from families and close friends from zone 1 who can help to screen and sanction as only they had your best interests in mind, therefore one should take advantages to harness the benefits of online tools focusing on Tier 1 relationship management; i.e. Chat group solely on family members, they are the one who matters the most who will turn up for hospital visits, funeral, family crisis and so on.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”― Bernard M. Baruch

Workplace: The office or company is only as good as the people you know in it and it serves as an important avenue for interpersonal relationship networking and development. In facts, People enjoy a small cluster of close contacts with one another in office as what they do had played a dominant role of what they are and new ways of involvement are in order to keep high morale and productivity. Face to Face interactions are never so important nowadays as we always crave physical proximity. Informal gathering, tea breaks and meal times with close colleagues lets one vents angers, trades gossips and harness rapports that usually last for a life time. Small talks in office are part of puzzle of socializing requirements of anyone who earns a salary in an organisation. With the diminishing boundaries between private and working life for majority of working individuals, relationship network play a critical roles in career advancements as favors and preferences are exchanged from time to time.

Nevertheless, in many corporations, the wind is out of the sails of those who want to drive higher productivity through control of information and prohibits employee’s engagement of social media platforms and informal formation of networks with co-workers who had no obvious direct working relationships.  There are always attempts to blunt social Influence in work performance by discouraging extensive office talks or politics but the front line had fallen with the introduction of always connected very affordable gadgets to wide ranges of extremely user friendly and interesting social media applications and so on. On the contrary, studies had been carried out and found higher productivity for workers who frequently initiate small talks with their co-workers on either work or other issues as compare to those who mind exclusively their own business, it may be linked to more enlightenment and stronger sense of belonging the former feels at work. –

Moreover, it’s rather a social norm for work relationship going private forming marriage or other business venture and the keys are to identify the few colleagues and friends who shared the same values for mutual positive reinforcement and place primary priority in maintaining and improving the ties as we inevitably had to be selective with our increasingly dwindling remaining days.

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”

― Marlene Dietrich

In summary, we are all associated with one another both online and offline. Being friendly and holding well wishes for an individual despite distance and lack of interactions bode well in long term as for some reasons, he or she actually feels it and would reciprocate in returns. However, one had to be specified on the online dimensions as an average person simply didn’t have the bandwidth to manage hundreds of even thousands of friends on the exception one does this for a living. We need to moves to tighten rules on engagement of new relationships as all these need nurturing to bear fruits of any kind as we grow older into more roles and responsibility, our finite and diminishing time and energy needs even more prudent allocations.  Online era is here to stay and it’s of paramount important to take advantage of it and avoid of  being misled, the bottom lines are to begin with yourself of being friendly and hold well wishes for others. As sometimes we simply needed each others for a rewarding and meaningful fulfillment in family, work and communities.


Wechat: charliebrowncafe` Brown Cafe




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